"would you like a sandwich?"

had a fabulous night last night. mona and i went on a double date with beau and liz, and we went to go have dinner out at the Country Lodge. hmmm.....i feel like i skipped some important detail....

oh yeah. i remember what it was.

i am dating a beautiful, smart, hilarious, caring, and just generally FABULOUS girl named mona renae langstraat. best weekend ever? survey says yes.

so anyway. mona and i went on a double date with beau and liz, and we had dinner out at Country Lodge. the drive to the Lodge was marvelous. no traffic. none. at all. it was GREAT. record time. without speeding (not that there are actually enforced speed LIMITS here in freetown....). we get to the restaurant and sit down. waiter brings us menus. we take a look and decide that splitting some pizzas or ordering chinese are the two cheapest ways to go, so we decide on a couple pizzas. waiter comes back to take our order and.....no pizza. and wait! no chinese. hmmm. pasta it is! liz orders seafood pasta (with various assorted "seafoods"), and mona and i each order some chicken pasta. beau spies some lasagna that looks pretty good, and orders that. 5 minutes later, no lasagna. hmmm. beau takes another look and decides to order some other pasta-ish dish (dont really remember what it was). 5 minutes later, no "other pasta-ish dish". poor beau! but wait! "would you like a sandwich?" *insert beau laughing/crying like a maniac here*. finally beau just ordered the seafood pasta like his wife, and food was all ordered and done. we had a good time just sitting, laughing, telling stories, and just generally enjoying each others' company. the food was quite delicious, and VERY rich. then the REAL motivation for going out: dessert. we ordered two chocolate-lava cake things with vanilla ice cream. what did we get? two chocolate-lave cake things with vanilla ice cream.....AND THEN two little bowls with two scoops of vanilla ice cream in each. oh this poor waiter. he really did not understand. for such a large quantity of food mix-ups, the food we ended up eating was all very good, and the night was so much fun. of course, i am also very partial to the company....

another enjoyable ride home with NO traffic (beau apparently used ALL his luck for the traffic, instead of saving some for the food that he wanted). we get back, and mona and i enjoyed some nice time together on deck 8, then watched about 3/4 of The Dark Knight. an amazing night.

God has been so good to me. i have been so blessed in so many different ways, but mona ranks close to the top on the list of blessings. thank you, Father, simply for bringing her into my life.

i hope you have a marvelous day.

ciao for now.

the lifting of a heavy heart.

this is a blog that i have been trying to write unsuccessfully for days. the words wont form themselves into sentences that have any meaning.

"defeat is a choice." - mona. thank you for the smallest bits of encouragement that have the biggest impact. you are such a blessing.

the past two weeks have been amazing good, and amazingly challenging at the same time. a lot of people dont like talking about spiritual warfare, but just because it isnt talked about, doesnt mean it isnt there. it's like this enormous pink and purple polka-dotted elephant standing where your dining room table used to be, and people are trying pretend it doesnt exist. the enemy is out to steal, kill, and destroy. he comes when we least expect it, and attacks us where we are weakest. exploiting our insecurities. feeding us lies. lies about others. lies about ourselves. lies about God. he is the father of lies, and there is no truth in him. conversely, all truth is God's truth. if it is TRUTH, it is GOD's truth, no matter where it is found. thank you for teaching me this, dr. lambert. the enemy comes and attacks our weak points, hoping to make us stumble and fall. to lose faith. to lose hope. but we have one encouragement.

in our weakness, God is strong. and he might not turn our weaknesses into strengths, just so that we need to continually lean on Him. hard to accept, right? no one likes being weak. being vulnerable. it makes us feel like we aren't in control. but i have great news. we aren't in control. which is good. cause life would REALLY suck if we were. God knows what we need before we know. he knows our hopes, our dreams, our fears, our weaknesses.

"o Lord, you have searched me and You know me. You know when i sit, and when i rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out, and my lying down; You are familiar with all my ways. before a word is on my tongue You know it completely, o Lord." - psalm 139:1-4

psalms speaks at length about how amazing God is, and how insignificant we are compared to Him. there is no where we can hide from his presence. He knows everything about us. how scary is that? i dont know everything about me, and to be honest, sometimes i'm not sure i want to. but He knows, and what's more, He loves us anyway.

"and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - romans 8:28

"what then shall we say in response to this? if God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all - how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things? [...] who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? [...] no, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. for i am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:31-32, 35, 37-39

that's right. God loves us. each and every one of us. if you are reading this blog, He loves you, and will never stop.

the hard times are going to come. another one of those things people dont like to talk about. scripture PROMISES us that life will not be all sunshine and rainbows. we are PROMISED that it is going to be hard. that there will be trials. and that the enemy is out to get us. but we are "more than conquerors" and we are only defeated when we choose to let ourselves be defeated. the war has been won. ready for one of the most frustrating verses in scripture, followed by one of the greatest promises?

"consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. and perseverance must finish its work, so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because anyone who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. that man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double minded man, unstable in all he does." - james 1:2-8

consider it pure joy. thanks. thanks for that. cause i love trials. (that was my sarcastic voice). no, trials are not fun. and enjoyable. but i have learned a couple things about them. without trials, we never grow. we stay the same. in a sense, we die. trials push us to grow and learn. most importantly, trials push us to rely on God. to cry out to Him in our pain, and to let Him take control again. trials are how he shapes us into who he wants us to be. trials are how God gives us wisdom. we gain wisdom through experience, but how often do our happy experiences provide us with overwhelming wisdom. no, unfortunately it is our mistakes, our trials, our weakness, our struggles. those are the things that God uses to give us wisdom.

are you willing to let God give you some trials so that He can make you grow and give you wisdom? am i willing? not if i forget the truth and promises of those scripture verses. it is hard to remember, sometimes, that God ONLY wants what is best for us.

I hear the Savior say

"Thy strength, indeed, is small.

Child of weakness, watch and pray.

Find in me thine all in all."

- "Jesus Paid it All", by Hillsong

"sometimes all we can do is bow our heads and pray." a small piece of wisdom i found in a greeting card stuck to the back of the door of my office.

thank you Father. help me to let You be in control. help me to let You guide me. help me to listen to Your voice. help me to be wholly Yours.

ciao for now.